MY BABY IS GETTING EARS

Every morning I wake up and start the routine I’ve mentioned a couple of times.  From 6-7am I am either playing with B and starting to feed her, or I am sitting next to her crib eating breakfast and just looking at her and thinking.  The part I dared not talk about, until now, is what I was thinking about. 

Every morning, either during that time with B or in the shower, I think about one thing: Cochlear Implants.  - Don’t worry therapists, I haven’t put all my eggs in that basket.  I know it’s not a guaranteed fix, but you can’t fix it if you don’t try.  We are at least trying, and giving her the opportunity. -  I think about seeing her face light up in the morning when I whisper her name.  When she hears the door open in the evening and yells “Daddy!” When she can clap along to music because she HEARS it not just because the vibrations are tickling her booty.  I think about all of the possibilities that can be opened if she is able to hear.  It really is astounding when you think about it.  Communication is so dependent on sight and sound.  To have one of those will exponentially increase her opportunities in life!

Selfishly, one of my most common thoughts is of the day we would be told she is approved!  I can’t begin to describe the excitement I have anticipated for the last 11 months.  I’ve thought about it thousands of times.  I think about it every day, even though I’ve tried not too.  I think about it during my drives to the farms.  I think about it at work.  Basically every time someone shares something good in their life, I think “Just wait! One day I’ll be able to share with you that my baby is getting ears!”  At work we have a monthly managers meeting.  It’s pretty cool.  Every manager in the hospital is there.  It’s almost like family dinner, without the dinner.  The admin team gives updates on the hospital.  We sing for birthdays.  We do some educational moments.  But the part I almost start crying during every month is the Joys and Concerns.  It’s my favorite part.  People tell about their child getting accepted to Med school, or getting engaged, or a grandchild in a play.  They mention all sorts of things, and mostly relating to their children or grandchildren.  Well, as most of you experience as well, there is a family aspect to a lot of jobs.  Our hospital, I assure you, is one huge family.  Mainly because everyone has worked there forever.  Well, during the Joys and Concerns all I do is imagine the month I can share my joy about cochlear implants.  I think about how I will say it.  If I will cry, or be able to keep it together?  If I will be able to not scream it at the top of my lungs?  Each time I go through that I get so excited in my head, and then have to bring myself back to reality, and think, “no, we’re still at least 6 months away.”  At least that’s what I have been convinced of.  Anyway, but the thought of being able to share such a massively important part of my life with the rest of the hospital has been such an exciting thought to me.  Especially since I’m still getting to know everyone. 

Well, this week came.  Tuesday morning Lindsay pulled out to head north with B.  Butch, her father, came down to drive her.  This week Bentley had a sound booth appointment on Thursday, so they would be gone for two nights.  The sound booth is one of the appointments Lindsay hates because they keep doing that silly low volume stuff and it’s very obvious Bentley can’t hear it.  Then after the booth, Lindsay has emotional vomit, and cries and gets really down as they say again that we’ll have to try it again in a month or two because she’s not responding to anything.  It kills me every time to know she’s going through this.  We handle things so differently, but I completely understand and try my best to just listen and let her cry all she wants to, I mean its her baby.  You would cry too probably, especially cause I’m betting the only people reading this are girls:)  

I had just stepped out of a meeting, and Lindsay called.  We were walking back to the office and a physician was with us, so I didn’t want to answer right off.  I was thinking if it hangs up I’ll call her right back.  Well, as we opened the door I picked up the phone.  Instantly it sounded like something was wrong.  She asked where I was –duh, I’m at the hospital- Then as she cried she asked what I was doing on January 27th.  I said “I don’t know. Working?”    Then came the sweetest words I think I’ve ever heard (sorry, but better than “I do”) “she’s getting implants, she got approved.”  I couldn’t believe it.  I really couldn’t.  And I assure you it was all I could do to not run up the wall and through the ceiling with excitement!!!!! I tried not to scream it through our offices.  I think I sort of said it quietly to everyone.  I really thought if I wasn’t careful I would yell way too loud!  I gave everyone high fives!  What an amazing day.  Now, it wasn’t managers meeting, but during our Safety Huddle I did share the news.  Surprise surprise, I cried through the whole thing.  I’m not even sure if anyone could understand me.  Again, I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs, but that wouldn’t be very professional.  It’s also hard to scream when you can’t stop crying with excitement.  (I am a bit of a crier at really emotional moments.  I’m very comfortable saying that, and I’m more of a man for it).  Also, I'm not sure I have actually every cried with excitement before.  It's real.  While sitting in my office waiting on Lindsay to get back to town I was just smiling and crying.  Like it wouldn't stop.  I couldn't help it.  The excitement caused the tears.  Craziness.  A natural phenomenon.

Some friends were waiting at our house with an air horn for when Lindsay got home.  We immediately went and told Mom and Ken.  We Facetimed the whole family.  It was way better than getting engaged.  Sorry, honey.  I’ve been on cloud 9 ever since.  I’m serious; you can’t wipe this smile off my face.  As soon as I think about it I’m absolutely elated. 

As of now, surgery will be February 17th. We got bumped from January.  Bentley will spend one night in the hospital.  The following week we begin our weekly commitment to the HEAR Center.  At this point we’ve only gone to the Bell Center every week, and the HEAR Center every other.  And we can play hooky occasionally from the Bell Center, sometimes you just need to keep the kid home and fake sick to play with her.  The next year of therapy is pretty structured and rigid.  As long as Lindsay and the therapists continue to work together as well as they have been, the next year will be a resounding success.  Oh, did I mention what the doctor told us?   Our ENT told Lindsay the other day, that in all his years of practice he has never seen anyone like Bentley, completely blind and deaf (being the main cochlear implant guy, and very involved with Children's and the HEAR Center there's a good chance he would have come across one) and he was surprised she hadn't been approved yet for implants.  --We've actually been connected with one family (friend from nursing school's family) (I mentioned them early on, and I know there must be more out there, but no one we have encountered has worked with any).--  All I can say to that is “Thank you.”  I appreciate the honesty.  We've heard "I don't know."  But not like this.  It was just refreshing and a little encouraging to know how rare it is, and how challenging it will be for all of us.  I like brutal honesty and common sense.  He kind of incinuated the approach and attitude that even though we can't take her down the "by-the-book" path for implants, we might as well go ahead and give her the opportunity to start hearing and developing, and we'll figure it out as we go.  After all, once she's implanted, she becomes a blind kid with hearing impairment, not completely deaf.  --I told someone the other day, I'm not a Glass-is-half-full kind of guy.  I just see it more as "there's plenty of milk in my glass to add chocolate syrup and have something delicious"

Thank you, each and every person who has said a prayer, or burnt some incense, or sacrificed a calf for my baby (jk on the calf).  I can’t thank you enough.  We are so incredibly fortunate to be where we are, to have the friends, family, and support we have.  I am humbled constantly by the love shown to my daughter.  I’m sorry for high jacking this update and mostly writing about my thoughts and feeling and not as much on Bentley.  I just needed to share.  Bentley is growing like a weed.  She has 4 teeth coming in, which she touches constantly.  She is eating like a Hoover vacuum cleaner.  She is getting stronger and stronger.  Sitting up so much better every day.  We’re still working on keeping her head up straight and not flopping backwards.  She’s not picking herself up or crawling yet, but we’ll get there eventually.  She’s as constipated as a…..well, something that’s really constipated.  But she is amazing.  I love watching kids grow and develop.  It is so cool how our brains learn and our bodies grow.  Such an awesome thing to experience. 

Well, if there are any guys reading, be jealous.  I get to start shopping, officially, for some of the most high-tech cool and fancy “headphones” in the world.  I said it early in this journey, “Beats by Dre ain’t got nothing on these.”  I’ll keep you posted as we get closer, we’ll video everything.  But I must warn you, she is so young don’t expect a YouTube sensation overnight.  She won’t be making the news with her response to turning them on, most likely.  But we’re so thankful for this opportunity we have been given.  I’m a firm believer in miracles.  They come in all kinds of forms.  Personally, I consider Cochlear Implants to be little electronic miracles.  God created us with the ability to create and invent.  He loves that we have scientists who want to understand the most microscopic parts of creation.  He loves that He created something that can find solutions to complex problems and create devices that fix problems created due to our imperfections.  He knew exactly what He was doing when He created us.  It’s so awesome!

Now I must ask for a shift in prayer.  We've been approved.  Now we have go through the surgery, they have to work, and Bentley has to learn how to hear.  Please pray the surgery goes well.  Please pray they work, that she responds to them.  That they are able to transfer little electrical pulses across her nerves to other parts of her brain.  Please pray for an endless amount of energy and enthusiasm as Lindsay makes the weekly treks to Birmingham, which is tough for a girl who hates to drive.  Thank you, in advance, for these prayers.  We love ya, and can't wait to keep sharing more precious little moments of Bentley's world with you.  Merry Christmas!!!!

I’ll keep it simple, Rejoice in the Lord Always and again I say Rejoice!!!

Philippians 4:4-8

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.