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I say tomato, you say....."what?"

4/14/2013

16 Comments

 
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As I sat on the couch giggling at Justin’s BLOG SPOT (HA HA HA), I thought “did we attend the same doc appointment, are we living the same life?” I realized it was time I cyber-up and put my own post out there for the world to see. I will try to give a shortened version so you don’t have to hear our rambling twice. 

After a night of worry and prayer because my sweet baby was going to be put to sleep for the second time this month (knowing she has one more time in May), we got up around 4 to rush out the door to make our 5:30 appointment. Now, I wouldn’t say punctuality is a strength of ours, but dang it if we weren’t on time! B was given the first appointment because she is young and if she has MD there are several risk factors for her if she gets certain kinds of anesthesia. Yes, the anesthesiologist was so nice and goofy. However, when he made a comment about something borderline inappropriate it makes you take a second look and hold your baby a little tighter. I giggle again knowing Justin compared himself to the guy! Children’s was super nice to make us wait over two hours to get the party started. It was like sitting on an airplane when they announce your plane is having a technical difficulty but want you to "hang tight." Lots of time to let my cold, tired, hungry and non-showered mind run wild! Lots of time trying to keep B busy so she doesn’t realize how hungry she was! About 7:45 I’m pretty sure B wondered if I ate a can of spinach as my death grip on her tightened. What she couldn’t see was that a strange man was walking in to pry her from my arms and carry her away for surgery. This is the part that really sucker punches me because most parents can say “bye-bye baby, I love you,” or at least their little one gets to see mommy and daddy saying bye bye and blowing kisses…. Nope, not my snuggle bunny.

Now we wait again….. Two hours later a completely different face pops in to say, “Bentley isn’t waking up. Her oxygen levels are low. So, we need you to come get her moving.” The door shuts and the crocodile tears appear. What do they mean she won’t wake up??? After the MRI she woke up relatively fast. We got moved to a different area to try and wake B up. They bring out our sleeping beauty with a new 12 foot long wound (looked like they put a golf ball under her skin) and 50 tubes coming out of her (croc tears turned to a steady stream!). After fearfully watching the monitor and moving B around for an hour, she let out a few cries and got her oxygen levels up. For the record, an hour is an eternity when you are trying to wake up your 5 month old! Several times through this process it was mentioned that we may have to spend the night for overnight observation.

Long story longer, B woke up and was smiling by the time we got back to the room! I could breathe again! When she smiles I like to think God is sharing something special with her, or Bill (Justin’s dad) is sharing funny stories about Justin growing up (we know there has to be a million, he is a funny guy). Now we just hold on and wait for the CT scan in May. I love hospitals! In all seriousness, Children’s has been nothing but wonderful and their quality care is 100%! I always wish my sweet B could see the brightly colored halls and how fun her hospital gowns are! Making it a more tactile experience would be my only suggestion for the perfect place.

So you see that it is best that my wonderful, strong and positive husband continues to make the post. I like the pictures that Justin paints way more than my reality. It is ironic because I’m the one that typically paints the rainbows and shoves out sunshine. Justin never puts it out there how unfair it is that my precious innocent B will never wake up to her mother’s comforting face or her daddy’s silly looks. He never mentions how it’s like a sucker punch every time a kid lights up and screams “MOMM/DADDY” because they SEE or HEAR them. Ok- I’ll stop. Everyone go hug your babies, young or old. Put down your iPhones and get off Facebook to go have a conversation with and play with your kid that can run free and say "momma, watch this," and "look at this.” If my angel has taught me anything it’s don’t take the little things for granted. This has brought "don’t sweat the small stuff" to a whole new level!!

We do agree on one thing. If you ever have questions and want to ask about her, please do. Those that know me would agree that I’m a bit old school when it comes to communicating. I’m also very private. Not that I frown on my Facebook/texting/twiterized/instagramming friends, but call me, lets gets dinner, go for a walk or sit in sweats with a bottle of wine and a yummy snack and sit down to chat in person. Sitting with an old friend in a Mexican restaurant with cheese dip  helped me survive last week….. again, the simple things. I’ll warn you though, if one more person says, “how are you?" They might just get the real answer. How do you think I’m doing? As a friend told me, "I’m good enough." The more people on this crazy ride the better…. I’d rather rent a stretch limo than a Mo-ped. Know what I mean Vern? The letters, meals, and prayers we have gotten mean the world to us and help me feel a little less alone on the bad days. God is good and I am reminded of that every time someone reaches out or my sweet girl touches my face and smiles. Justin and I will be fine, God assures me of that.  He is my Ninja!
16 Comments
Mama B
4/15/2013 01:04:41 am

Thank you Lindsay!! It's so ok for us to know your feelings and version as well!! You are real and normal:) Thanks so much for sharing:) love ya"ll!!:))

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Marci
4/15/2013 02:17:35 am

Lindsay- Thank you for sharing your heart. Praying for your sweet mama heart and of course for that sweet baby girl. We need to set up a night to have you guys over for dinner soon!

BTW- your line "are we living the same life" made me laugh- Remind me to tell you someday about a meeting Brandon and I attended after losing Bryant and our versions of it after! It is pretty funny how we deal so differently with situations.

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Taylor link
4/15/2013 02:25:49 am

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Colette Tatum
4/15/2013 02:51:52 am

You both amaze us with your strength. It is so true how we look at things differently than our husbands. I pray for God to guide you through your journey with B. just know she may not hear or see you but she knows your touch and feels your love every day. Yes the small simple things are a blessing.

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Kim Duncan
4/15/2013 04:39:19 am

I understand what a frightening and emotional time this is for you and Justin. When they come to take away your little one, just for a little bit, it's so hard to let go. The unknown is the hardest part, I think. Trust that God has you in His hands along this journey. I will be praying for you all.

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Becca
4/15/2013 09:52:36 am

There is so much to say. I love the updates, because I read progress, unconditional love, and courage. You are both amazing and I love seeing pictures of Bentley. I pray for you daily, and remember the days when my children had fever-I was a wreck. You are providing the BEST for Bentley that you can at this time. I know she feels your love, I just cried reading the updates.

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Beverly Meadors
4/15/2013 01:40:16 pm

Dwight and I think that you two are simply amazing living day by day with the challenges you are facing. By you sharing your thoughts here with us, it helps us to pray that much stronger for you three. We wish for courage and strength for each of you in the future as you live this journey...just know you are in so many people's daily thoughts and prayers.

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Ron
4/16/2013 05:55:07 am

Loved seeing you and B at the ballpark for Ev's game. I'm so glad for this blog. I enjoy reading it immensely. Yall are a fantastic mama and daddy.

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May Eason
4/17/2013 08:07:14 am

Justin and Lindsay, Konie just gave me this blog site today. You don't know me but I am a long ago neighbor of Konie and Bill when they lived on Longview Dr. (I think that was the name) Anyway Justin you were 6 weeks younger than my son Robert and you were both under a year old. Precious babies! We were not there long and that is another story but your parents were wonderful neighbors and made me love our little street! I just want to tell you that I am praying for you and your darling Bentley and you are both on the right track giving God your trust and guidance. Enjoy everyday and as you said appreciate all the little things. You have many friends and a wonderful family to support you and I look forward to keeping up with your journey! I pray that each day gets better and that you find ways and answers to help Bentley. I may be wrong but I remember your birthday to be Oct.16 and that is because that was my Fathers. Take care of yourselves and hug Bentley for me! May Eason , Wetumpka, Al

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Rene' Burke
4/17/2013 11:30:24 pm

Justin and Lindsey, Konie gave me the blog site today. Before this, I have tried to keep up as best as I could through word of mouth. I just wanted you to know that all of you are in my thoughts and prayers! After reading through the blog I can tell you that Bentley has very special parents with the drive and determination to make sure she gets the help she needs! Lindsey, as you said, she is a Bryant. As you have done, put your trust in God. It's not always easy to do, but you have the support of family, friends, and medical staff on your side.

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Rachel
4/19/2013 04:46:11 am

Love you, sweet friend. Mexican date again very, very soon. I miss you already!

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Ashlee link
4/22/2013 01:13:55 am

Lindsay,
I am Thomas Hill's wife, and I have been praying for you and your sweet Bentley for a while now. I won't ask you how you are doing, now or if I ever see you, because I can only imagine in my worst dreams. We have 3 kiddos now, and I'm sure you can imagine how crazy life can be...but reading your updates makes me so very thankful for those crazy days when they are all screaming for us to watch them, hold them, carry them! I will forever be grateful for you guys sharing your journey. Many prayers for your entire family!

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Susan Edwards link
4/22/2013 11:45:11 pm

Lindsay and Justin--Thanks so much for writing this blog. We are and have been praying daily for all of you. You both are so strong. God bless you both and Bentley.

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Abby Maddox
4/23/2013 07:06:08 am

Your post was a sucker punch to me. I just hurt about it all. Just hurt. I hear myself talking to Konie sometimes...she's giving me updates and I'm relating to what you're going through with (what must seem like!!) trivial And superficial examples from our own children's lives...I have only had little fortastes but I do know there is no fear or pain greater than the fear and pain you feel for your child. Wish I could do something more than pray. Not sure there is any bigger thing at the same time--and I truly believe that.

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Natalie Crowder
4/24/2013 04:32:29 pm

I just wanted y'all to know that you are in our prayers always and we love y'all. You don't know me. I was Justin's neighbor when they still lived in Hoover. God bless y'all!

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Julie Collett
4/27/2013 12:55:16 am

Lindsay, your faith is amazing and you and Justin are awesome parents. God has great things planned for your little angel! My continued prayers for all of you.

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    I will be writing most of these.  Justin, that is, the dad.  Lindsay will provide her input.  

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